humility-soli deo gloria

This falling.

To be higher, one must be brought lower.

Slowly sinking....

...to grow.

It's gravity.

A seed sinks into the dark earth, going deeper and deeper, and then grows upwards and blossoms. The deeper it's roots, the stronger the plant. And perhaps, the even more beautiful.

So our hearts must go down...to a posture of utter nothingness...to show beauty, to bear His fruits.

Humility.

"That word humility itself comes from the Latin root humus--the kind of earth that grows good crops." (Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, 170)

"I shake my head, half smile...the funny thing? The moment I try to grasp for humility, she's gone. Speak of humility, shine a light shaft on it, and she's shadow-gone in the dark. 'Humility is shy,' writes Tim Keller. If I focus on humility, I look inward to assess if I'm sufficiently humble, and in the very act, humility darts and I'm proud, self-focused. It doesn't work. But what humbles like an extravagant gift? And hadn't I felt that joy of small, child-wonder when I paused to give thanks?" (Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, 171-172)

We all quote it so often. Soli Deo Gloria. But do we really understand?

This cultivating gratitude...this heart seeking to praise Him...do we really see that it is all for His glory alone? We see blessings, and good things, and victories, and the "ugly-graces" and try to give thanks...
But why are we giving thanks?

To bring Him glory.

That's my anthem. Seeing Him work this in my heart--slowly planting this seed...digging the hole deeper and deeper.....has been a long process. But I'm seeing it...as it's going on within me. Not a work of myself--but another gift...another gift.
*writes in journal...
48. planted seeds


And as I look back, just over this past week, my eyes gaze on written words. There are stories behind each one. It swells my heart, to look back, and remember. To stop in this rush of life and ponder.

15, A virgin girl who surrendered. Someone mentioned Mary to me and I was thinking and pondering on her more than normal that day. How I truly want to be like her....and so much more. Only by grace.


16. Sun on water. I was driving home from piano lessons. The tall bridge I pass over every week...glanced over it's sides and my breath was stolen.  Water like glass reflecting sunset. The water was on fire...orange, red...melted everything else from my gaze. I closed my eyes to capture the memory.

20. heart-warming laughter. The laughter that leaves me feeling refreshed. And joyful. So rare. So thankful.

23. Laughter over a cookie. My little sister's eagerness as she points to dad that she gets to have a cookie. Squeals of delight. It left a mark in my memory. I don't want to forget those moments.

27. First kiss, safe, treasured. Was reading a book, tears welled up, and I was reminded once again how it is only by God's grace that I still have my first kiss. Is that not true for all of us? It is only by His grace as we journey down this path of seeking His heart...I am so thankful.


29. Birds silhouetted against grey sky. Quiet devotions on the porch Saturday morning. Peaceful rain. Cool air. Job. Psalm 139. Contentment.

35. My own inadequacy. Writing and realizing I am so inadequate. Only He can lead. Only He can work through me. Nothing in my hands I bring; simply to the cross I cling.  Realizing that in my own inadequacies...my weaknesses...His strength is made perfect. Praise Him.

38. Swinging clasped hands. Walking out of a restaurant with my little sister. The rest of the family is going to my brother's basketball game; we are going home. She slips her hand into mine, and begins swinging our hands back and forth, a smile painted across her child lips. We come to the curb, and, of course we jump. Together. Two little girls. Enjoying the beauty of the moment.

41. Warm sun on window glass. Feeling tired. Waiting until I can print something off the computer downstairs. My brother's on his CP! coaching call. I walk quietly to the sliding glass door, pull the blinds apart and the warm sun hits my weary face. My hands gently touch the glass as I soak in the sunlight.

42. Doctor's Appointments. Again, His strength is made perfect in my weakness. So thankful. So thankful.
When my body is weak, my heart is strengthened in His love and care.

46. Smell of spring. Stepping on threshold and the fresh air hitting my face. Crickets, cool breeze...so much like spring. Memories. I literally was transported to our back porch in Colorado on spring evenings. Then the smell of steaks on the grill. It could not have gotten more authentic. My heart was full.


All these things...I'm remembering them so that He may be glorified. I want my anthem to be He must be glorified. He must increase, but I must decrease.
Eric Ludy once preached a sermon where he said something to the extent that he thinks often times people twist this verse into "I must increase, so that He may increase."

No! Oh, Abba! Please, let this never be true of me. How deceitful is the human heart. Please, work within me a heart that desires nothing but Your glory.

In these moments of reverie, let me stop and remember. Lord, cultivate within me a humble heart. I truly do not want anything but to see You lifted up, exalted, honored, and glorified. With all my heart. Please slay any desire within me that seeks anything else.

Teach me true humility.

Soli Deo Gloria.

49. Peas, white rice, and butter. The one "comfort" dish mom's made for me whenever I've had a messed up tummy. Right now, it tastes wonderful.